2005要过了。。。还记得2004的这个时候，我忙着申请美国学校的事宜。。。想不到一年就这样过去了。。

2005改变最大，因为我踏出了成长的国度，来到一个向往却陌生的土地上。。。我为自己许下的承诺终于实现了。。。这也是我最大的一个突破吧，至少出国留学对我来说，并不是一件简单的事。。。

可能对于他人而言，出国这回事是如此的理所当然，但我却面对自我的心理障碍。。。放下家乡的一切，离开熟悉的环境，去从新学习新事物，很大程度上需要一定的勇气和毅力。。。
原来，我是如此害怕陌生，害怕孤单，害怕自我挑战，害怕失败，害怕失望。。。害怕得连我自己也害怕。。。。

再加上课业的紧张和压力，有时候我会问我自己，值得吗？但我想，至少我对得起自己。。。

出了去，才发现世界之大。。相对而言，自己就更渺小了。。。

2006要来了。。。明年的这个时候，我又会在做什么呢？在进行研究项目，还是又一次的准备qualifying？

或许没有必要去想这么多，凡事见招拆招。。。因为眼前要做的，已经忙不过来。。。

2004的这个时候，我也为考GRE和physics弄得自己紧张西西，2005的这个时候，我又为qual搞得心惊胆战。。。对于物理，是我付出不够，还是我本来就不是读物理的材料？？抑或是，我走了一段物理的冤枉路，，虽然来到了这里，却没有真本事？

我不知道，只希望接下来的路好走，一路景色优美，平安快乐。。。

此时写下心情日记，为自己每一次的心情留下脚印。。。

再见2005，再见过去。。。

辉
2005-12-29 美国，Michigan, Houghton 时间 7:45pm
写在准备qual的紧张心情。。。。

Im in my school now, Michigan Technological University...
Eventually i start settling down here... today is Sunday but my senior still goes to his office to work... so, i follow him and use the net here...

I had missed my domestic flight at the St. Paul International Airport,Minneapolis due to the drag at the immigration.. so, I had to wait and stayed overnight in the airport...
it is not so terrible but it is nota good experience as well... and it is not a god deal as well but only a matter of time...
People said that the immigration will see the passport... and we holdMalaysia possport, so I had filled some information so that they cantrack where I am in US... Last time when I doing the Visa, it is not as easy as other countries as well..... You always have to proof your financial documents and other things, to let them believe you are notgoing to US to work (tiao4 fei1 ji1) or bomb their place......

So, I start thinking that coming to US for holiday or visit me may notbe a good way... and I don't think the situation will come better inthe coming fews years...

All right.. post more my words later...

My farewell email to my colleagues at MINT....

Dear all colleagues and members,
First of all, I would like to send my greatest gratitude to all of you for having the lunch together (Friday - 8/7/2005)... Hope you all enjoy it... Thank you Dr. Gui and Pn. Lam for coming as well...

As I'm going off soon, I would like to send my special thanks to Leo for always taking care of me since I work at MINT. He is really like my 'big brother' (dai go) here... He is the one who helps me most at MINT... And, he is really a caring and understanding people.... No doubt, he is our best organizer....
Besides, thank you to Dr. Ng and Dr. Kok for their generous encouragement and guidance.....
Then, thank you to Mr. Chong, Bro. Lim, Wee, Choo, Wilfred, Ting, Pauline, Ng Yen, Miss Chong, Chai, Alvina, Yii, Nelly, Phua, Susan, Esther for your kind friendship and helps... (Do I miss out someone?? Hopefully no...:-p) (opp...... there is one more, Dr. Jong who is now doing his research fellowship in South Korea.)
I have spent a wonderful time with all of you for almost 1 year and 8 months at MINT...

I will start taking leave on next Tuesday (12/7/2005). So, the next monday probably will be my last day at MINT...

Here is my personal email so that we can always keep in touch in the coming future...Name: Lee Chee HueiEmail:
cheehuei@yahoo.com.sg (email and messenger)
cheehuei80@gmail.com
chuei80@hotmail.com (email and messenger)

All the best to you all.... Take care and keep in touch...
Best Regards
Lee

The following words are in Bahasa Malaysia (Malay Language), specially for my Malay colleagues at MINT...

Salam Perpisahan Kepada Rakan-rakan sekerja MINT,
Salam sejahtera. Dimaklumkan bahawa saya akan menamatkan perkhidmatan saya di MINT bermula bulan August 2005 kerana akan melanjutkan pelajaran di luar negeri. Saya ingin mengambil kesempatan ini untuk meminta maaf kepada rakan-rakan sekerja MINT sekiranya terdapat silap laku sepanjang 1 tahun 8 bulan saya berada di MINT ini. Saya juga ingin mengucapkan terima kasih kepada semua yang pernah memberi sokongan, tunjuk ajar, bantuan dan kerjasama kepada saya.
Terima kasih kepada Tuan Haji Razali dan Dr. Muhd Noor sebagai pengarah BPK yang memberi sokongan kepada saya. Penghargaan yang khas juga saya ucapkan kepada Dr. Ashhar, Dr. Abu Bakar dan Puan Siti A'iasah atas tunjuk ajar yang telah banyak diberikan kepada saya.Tidak lupa saya ingin mengucapkan terima kasih kepada rakan-rakan EBM: Leo, Zahidee, Rizal Chulan, Rizal Mamat, Halim, Rokiah, yang begitu meriah and mesrah; Rakan-rakan ISG dan EBM: Khair'iah, Maslina, Arymas, Nolida, Aira, En. Idris, En. Mohd Said, En. Abu Bakar Harun, En. Azaman, En. Roslan, En. Chong, Dr. Glam, Abang Ayub, Abang Baharin, Wati, Kak Ayu dan lain-lain lagi (Minta maaf sekiranya terlupa nama yang tiada di atas ini).
Di sini saya tinggalkan email peribadi saya supaya kita masih boleh berhubung pada masa akan datang.
Nama: Lee Chee Hueiemail:
cheehuei@yahoo.com.sg
cheehuei80@gmail.com
chuei80@hotmail.com

Semoga semua berjaya dalam kerjaya sendiri dan sentiasa sihat sejahtera.

Regards
Lee 6/7/2005
8/7/2005 (last update)

I'm new in Blog, and Blogger is my 1st blog diary. I'm still trying it, and hopefully will get used to it soon...
Why creating it?? I can simply write myself down and let my family and friends 'visit' me... It's good to note down something in my life too... as a memory, an experience, or a lesson....

Forget to introduce myself....
I'm Chee Huei, a Malaysian Chinese, 25 years old. I'm a normal and easy-going person. I don't talk much sometimes, but I like to gather with friends. I like physics, since I was in high school. I studied physics in university.

I am now working as a research officer at Malaysian Institute for Nuclear Technology Research (MINT). People are always surprised about my job here, and 'sensitive' about 'nuclear'. "Are you doing a nuclear bomb?!" friends always make fun of me. MINT is a government department, doing various kinds of radiation applications services and research, to the local industries and higher education agencies. Don't worry, we don't make bomb here and all the research are for peaceful purposes. Even the Malaysian government policy mentions that, nuclear power plant is the last choice of energy for Malaysians. Yet, how advanced of Malaysian technologies is it? I can only said, it is still a long way to go.

Anyhow, I am going to resign my job soon, because I'm going off my homeland to Michigan Technological University (MTU), US to further study very soon (in the coming August 2005).

I will miss my family and friends here after I am there, and I'm sure they will be missing me as well...
That's why, creating my own blog, I can always update my news, my dairy, my mood, and everything about myself, whether good or bad there... so that I can share with my loved ones...

The Chant of Metta

Metta is a Pali word meaning loving-kindness. Metta chanting is the radiation of loving-kindness towards all beings: May they all be happy and peaceful. Imee Ooi chants the Pali beautifully. Metta chanting is soothing, uplifting, joyful and a great healing for the world - pervading it with waves of love. Truly, may all beings be happy. May they live always in peace and harmony.

The Chant of Metta Text Aham avero homi May I be free from enmity and danger abyapajjho homi May I be free from mental suffering anigha homi May I be free from physical suffering sukhi - attanam pariharami May I take care of myself happily Mama matapitu May my parents acariya ca natimitta ca teacher relatives and friends sabrahma - carino ca fellow Dhamma farers avera hontu be free from enmity and danger abyapajjha hontu be free from mental suffering anigha hontu be free from physical suffering sukhi - attanam pariharantu may they take care of themselves happily Imasmim arame sabbe yogino May all meditators in this compound avera hontu be free from enmity and danger abyapajjha hontu be free from mental suffering anigha hontu be free from physical suffering sukhi - attanam pariharantu May they take care of themselves happily Imasmim arame sabbe bhikkhu May all monks in this compound samanera ca novice monks upasaka - upasikaya ca laymen and laywomen disciples avera hontu be free from enmity and danger abyapajjha hontu be free from mental suffering anigha hontu be free from physical suffering sukhi - attanam pariharantu May they take care of themselves happily Amhakam catupaccaya - dayaka May our donors of the four supports: clothing, food, medicine and lodging avera hontu be free from enmity and danger abyapajjha hontu be free from mental suffering anigha hontu be free from physical suffering sukhi - attanam pariharantu May they take care of themselves happily Amhakam arakkha devata May our guardian devas Ismasmim vihare in this monastery Ismasmim avase in this dwelling Ismasmim arame in this compound arakkha devata May the guardian devas avera hontu be free from enmity and danger abyapajjha hontu be free from mental suffering anigha hontu be free from physical suffering sukhi - attanam pariharantu may they take care of themselves happily Sabbe satta May all beings sabbe pana all breathing things sabbe bhutta all creatures sabbe puggala all individuals (all beings) sabbe attabhava - pariyapanna all personalities (all beings with mind and body) sabbe itthoyo may all females sabbe purisa all males sabbe ariya all noble ones (saints) sabbe anariya all worldlings (those yet to attain sainthood) sabbe deva all devas (deities) sabbe manussa all humans sabbe vinipatika all those in the four woeful planes avera hontu be free from enmity and dangers abyapajjha hontu be free from mental suffering anigha hontu be free from physical suffering sukhi - attanam pariharantu may they take care of themselves happily Dukkha muccantu May all being be free from suffering Yattha-laddha-sampattito mavigacchantu May whatever they have gained not be lost Kammassaka All beings are owners of their own Kamma Purathimaya disaya in the eastern direction pacchimaya disaya in the western direction uttara disaya in the northern direction dakkhinaya disaya in the southern direction purathimaya anudisaya in the southeast direction pacchimaya anudisaya in the northwest direction uttara anudisaya in the northeast direction dakkhinaya anudisaya in the southwest direction hetthimaya disaya in the direction below uparimaya disaya in the direction above Sabbe satta May all beings sabbe pana all breathing things sabbe bhutta all creatures sabbe puggala all individuals (all beings) sabbe attabhava - pariyapanna all personalities (all beings with mind and body) sabbe itthoyo may all females sabbe purisa all males sabbe ariya all noble ones (saints) sabbe anariya (those yet to attain sainthood) sabbe deva all devas (deities) sabbe manussa all humans sabbe vinipatika all those in the 4 woeful planes avera hontu be free from enmity and dangers abyapajjha hontu be free from mental suffering anigha hontu be free from physical suffering sukhi - attanam pariharantu may they take care of themselves happily Dukkha muccantu May all beings be free from suffering Yattha-laddha-sampattito mavigacchantu May whatever they have gained not be lost Kammassaka All beings are owners of their own kamma Uddham yava bhavagga ca As far as the highest plane of existence adho yava aviccito to as far down as the lowest plane samanta cakkavalesu in the entire universe ye satta pathavicara whatever beings that move on earth abyapajjha nivera ca may they are free of mental suffering and enmity nidukkha ca nupaddava and from physical suffering and danger Uddham yava bhavagga ca As far as the highest plane of existence adho yava aviccito to as far down as the lowest plane samanta cakkavalesu in the entire universe ye satta udakecara whatever beings that move on water abyapajjha nivera ca may they are free of mental suffering and enmity nidukkha ca nupaddava and from physical suffering and danger Uddham yava bhavagga ca As far as the highest plane of existence adho yava aviccito to as far down as the lowest plane samanta cakkavalesu in the entire universe ye satta akasecara whatever beings that move in air abyapajjha nivera ca may they are free of mental suffering and enmity nidukkha ca nupaddava and from physical suffering and danger.